A Beautiful Exit
by SVULAWYER1
Summary: Very AU! Alex is a teacher in a abusive marriage. Can Olivia help get her out? - M for language, rape and domestic voiolence. *trigger warning*
1. Chapter 1

AN: Sooo I've been on hiatus for a while. And I know I still have A Family Of Her Own unfinished and I promise one day I'll find my muse to continue it but for right now, I'm going to start over new with this story.

I own nothing but the characters I create

 **Alex's POV** (for this whole chapter)

"Babe, I'm home!" I call walking through the front door of the place I've come to call home.

Kicking off my high heals, I bend down to pick them up knowing he doesn't like me leaving my things around the house. "That's what you have a goddamn closet for, Alexandra!" I mimic rolling my eyes. Yes, I have a closet. A beautiful one at that. I remember him surprising me with it the day we moved in. He called it his gift to me. The room was big enough to house a family but currently occupied my extensive wardrobe.

Taking the steps two at a time, I go straight to the bed room.

"Honey?"

Figures. Nothing. We're going on one year of marriage and the last time he managed to make it home before me was long before we said 'I do'.

Honestly, I didn't mind. My mood was light and good. The absence of my husband wasn't going to mess it up.

I walk across the bedroom and into the adjoining closet. Stopping briefly to set my bag down, propping my shoes up on the shelf I removed them from some seven hours before. Color coordinated. Heals facing out. Anal wasn't the word. But I knew what awaited me if I didn't do it right.

I turn to the island in the middle of the room, set my phone on top and press the music app. While it warms up I reach for the button on the Bose and listen for it to chime, letting me know the bluetooth connected. I scroll for a few minutes not really knowing what I was in the mood to hear. Finally, I settle on Adele.

As she singing about making someone feel her love, I start twisting my arms behind my back, reaching for the zipper of my dress. Singing softly but very much into the song, I wasn't aware he'd walked in. His breath hot on my neck, I shivered. Gone were the days where I'd jump at the surprising presence.

I closed my eyes racking my brain. The music was up loud but not so high that I wouldn't have heard the robotic voice of the alarm noting that the front door was open. Was he already here? Why didn't he say something?

My heart was beating faster than normal but my ability to hide it had since been perfected. His fingers push mine away as he brings down my zipper. It stopping right above my butt. The dress was tight. It hugged all my curves and admittedly probably wasn't appropriate for school. Good thing I spent most of my day behind my desk, the kids having been off for election day. I managed to steal an hour away for lunch with a fellow teacher, only to come back and continue working on my mountain on paperwork at my desk.

The fabric easily fell from my skin and into a pool on the floor. He embraced me from behind and we swayed to the music. It was rare that he'd dance with me. I'd always ask him. Parties, weddings, anywhere that there was music I'd look at him and he'd know but once in a blue moon would he take my hand and lead me to the dance floor or jam out with me while I blasted music in the kitchen as I made dinner.

Turning in his arms, I looked into his grey eyes. My left hand cupping his cheek while the right gripped his shoulder. The lust in his eyes reminded me why I fell in love. The way he looked at me, I pressed my lips to his. Still swaying, I felt him suck softly on my upper lip. Releasing it with a pop, I smile and finish the song.

"I could make you happy, make your dreams come true. Nothing that I wouldn't do. Go to the ends of the earth for you. To make you feel my love."

We stayed there. Still swaying. Now Justin Timberlake was singing about Mirrors and I smiled at him.

"Hi"

"Hey, Alex"

I could smell it. Alcohol. Vodka to be exact. I didn't want to ruin the mood. Lord knows I didn't. But I also knew exactly what he wanted and I wasn't in the mood. Pulling away, I bent down and picked up my discarded dress and put it the labeled hamper. Whites, darks, lights, and dry cleaning. I snickered. God forbid we had one hamper for everything and just separated it before we washed clothes.

"How was your day, Lexie?"

I hated when he called me that. It only meant one thing. He was horny.

"Long. Full of grading papers."

Pulling on my black running shorts and my favorite t-shirt from high school, I walked past him and into the bathroom. I walked over to the sink not even bothering to close the door.

"That dress looked good on you, Lex. Who you wearing it for?" I could feel him behind me.

After splashing the cold water on my face, making sure the last of my face scrub was off, I stood back up straight. Looking into the mirror on the medicine cabinet in from of us, he stood looking back.

Here we go.

"It was a nice day out, Tony. I was feeling good so I decided to wear my favorite dress" I said shifting for the face towel.

"Mmmhhmm."

He didn't believe me. I wasn't lying. Normally I wouldn't wear anything like that when school was in session because I know it wasn't appropriate but this morning I had woke up in a good mood after a night of wining and dining and 'I'm sorry' sex. I knew better.

"What?" I say snickering. "You act like I'm cheating on you or something."

Nice Alexandra. Way to go. Bravo, stupid.

"Who is he? Hmmm? Is it that dude you work with?"

I smirk. Looking back up at him through the mirror I can see the fire in his eyes. "What dude? There are quite a few men at the school." Pushing past him and out the bathroom

"Oh maybe you're talking about the twelve year old boys in my cla-" before I could finish the sentence I was on my knees.

* * *

I remember when I was younger I use bet all the kids that I could hold my breath longer than them. One time I woke up, went downstairs for breakfast only to have my mother scream.

"Your eye, Alexandra. What happened?"

My question was the same, what _did_ happen to my eye? I didn't get into any fights. Didn't bump or fall. And it didn't was she talking about?

"Oh sweetheart, you must have busted a vessel"

Lifting my face at the chin, she looked closer.

"I told you a thousand times little girl to stop holding your breath so much. Nothing good comes of it"

"But mom, I beat Christopher Michelson by five seconds yesterday. You should've seen his face! He was starting to turn purple!"

"Alex, you're going to kill yourself. Now stop with the foolishness!"

"But _mom_ "

I managed to hold my breath that hear for one whole minute. Longer than anyone in all my classes and all of my cousins. For my age, I felt pretty accomplished.

But none of that prepared me for getting the wind knocked out of me. Nothing compared to the out of the blue loss of oxygen. No warning. Just panic.

* * *

Was this it? Was I going to die? I could feel the vibration of my moans as I tried to force myself to breathe. My face scrunched in agony. Ok, Alex. Just relax your body. You know the drill.

"You're such a fucking slut, you know that. You probably are screwing one of those kids. I wouldn't be surprised"

"NO!"

My voice almost unrecognizable as I gasped.

"No what? You know, you say that word a lot, Lexie but I don't like it"

I was still on my hands and knees struggling to catch my breath.

"Did you say no all those years ago when you were sucking dick? Maybe you're just like him. Is that what it is Alexandra, do you like molesting little kids? Pretty girl with a fucked up past turns into the monster who raped her."

Past experience told me to just stay down. Laying in the fetal position wishing I was small enough to be nothing but a speck on the bedroom floor didn't stop him from grabbing a fist full of my hair.

"Tony, ow, you're hurting me" my voice thick with emotions.

The words he spat stung. I never would have guessed that a late night confession about my childhood would be thrown in my face so many times that I could almost predict what he would say. Did it hurt? Yes. But at some point I'd become immune.

"Shut up, bitch!"

I'd begged him, the first few times he struck me, to leave my face. I could hide bruises on my chest or broken ribs. Cuts on my back and hand prints on my thighs could easily be covered up with clothes. But my face; I didn't want to deal with the questions.

* * *

"If you hit my face and I go to work with bruises and a black eye one more time, someones going to suspect something and they might even call the cops"

"Oh yeah? Or are you afraid they'll know you're not as perfect as you let them think you are?"

"No, I just-"

"You don't run shit here Alexandra!"

"I know, I'm sorry. I just don't want them to take you away from me baby."

That seemed to be enough explanation because since then, he hadn't so much as slapped me across my face.

* * *

Yanking me to my feet, I could feel his hardness against my hip. With a hard shove, I was on the bed.

"You wanna be a slut, Alexandra? Then I'm going to fuck you like one!"

I could hear is belt buckle hit the button on his pants as he pulled them down. I don't know what came over me but the only thing I could think was to run.

I spent the major part of my childhood and freshman year of college on the track team. I broke records. So outrunning someone wasn't too hard.

Already laying on m stomach, I jabbed my leg back. In his inebriated state, his balance made it easy for him to stumble back. Rolling off the bed and making a sprint for the door, slamming it behind me with his hand getting caught as he reached for me, for a moment I didn't know if I could tackle the steps. The quick movements and only recently having air allowed back into my body caused my head to feel almost like I was a camera lens trying, and failing, to focus.

I could feel the gust of air from Tony yanking open the door. Pushing through the fog in my head, I ran down the steps. It wasn't until I was about five steps in the I felt my legs trip up and give out on me. I vaguely remember yelling and then wood met my body and I was at the bottom landing.

Every time I blinked my eyes, it felt as though I was fading farther and farther. Whimpers tears managed to escape me. I could hear is foot steps before I saw him.

"Oh Lexie. Look what you've done." He was standing above me, one hand massaging the other that not too long before had been smashed.

The last I remember is his face getting closer to mine. Something along the lines of "stop, no" tried to coherently leave my mouth but only came out as a small moan before eventually I succumbed to blackness.

* * *

"Mrs. Santos?"

"Mmmhmpname"

"What was that?"

There was so much movement. I could hear footsteps all around and through my closed eyelids I could still see the fluorescent light hanging above. The sterile smell and the voice loudly paging some doctor let me know that I was in the one place I hated the most. The ER.

"My name"

Cotton mouth was a actual thing and I had a serious case of it.

"Cabot" I said licking my lips slowly. "My name is Cabot" my voice raspy and unrecognizable.

"I'm sorry. It says Santos on your intake." The female voice said calmly.

I wasn't ready to acknowledge the world on the other side of my still closed eyelids but the woman, who I could feel standing beside me, didn't seem like a typical nurse in a rush to check my vitals and move on to the next patient. Her voice was angelic.

Was I dreaming? Is that why I wouldn't open my eyes. Cause I couldn't?

"Mrs. San- I mean Mrs. Cabot, sorry. My name is Detective Benson, I'm with Special Victims. Can you tell me what happened tonight?" her voice was low almost as if she was telling me a secret but at the same time it was comforting.

"I fell" It wasn't a lie. I did fall. But why and from who I was running from I'd keep to myself.

"And the word 'slut' carved into your stomach, did you fall on that too?"

At that, my eyes flew open.

"Yeah, I know you didn't "fall" down the stairs." She took my hand. Hers was soft. Where they suppose to do this? What if I didn't want to be touched. "So, lets try this again. How did you end up here tonight, Mrs. Cabot?"

Our eyes met and I wanted nothing more than to have the next words I spoke to be the truth. I felt safe in this woman's presence and I didn't even know her. It took everything in me to look away.

"I slipped and fell down my steps." I said now starring up at the ceiling. "Now I'm here."

Her hand released mine and I shivered.

"Okay" she reached in her pocket for something. "Here's my card. The number on the front is for work. Just ask for me and they'll connect you" then she shoved her hand in her breast pocket and pulled out a pen.

After writing something on the back of the card, she turned back to me. "That's my cell number." She said holding up the card. "Feel free to call anytime. Day or night"

She was giving me the card. I turned my head back to the ceiling and closed my eyes. I felt her move and then something in my hand but it was rougher than what had occupied it just minutes before. It was her card.

"Okay, well I'll tell the nurse you're awake"

The curtain opened.

"Detective?" My voice was not my own

"Yes?" she asked turning to look at me.

I looked at her, my eyes barley open. "Thanks"

She smiled and nodded. Crossing the threshold and pulling the curtain back close.

I wanted to say something. I wanted to scream at the top of my lungs that the man I love is abusing me. But I'd been here before. I've told me story only to be laughed at by two cops who said that I should be lucky it was my husband and not some stranger. I've heard the whole "well you probably did something to provoke it" and "the duty of the wife is to pleasure her man and be whatever he needs". In the end, I learned that with Tony was where I belonged.

AN: Okay so I know this is way out of character for Alex so don't shoot me! This will eventually be AO but give it time. I promise they will end up together. Review? Please!?


	2. Chapter 2

AN: This is I guess a filler chapter. Not much dialog but I couldn't just not put this in there.

 **Alex's POV**

"Mrs. Santos?"

I was beyond exhausted. My body ached and I had no strength to correct the red headed doctor. I wanted nothing more than to go home at this point.

"Yeah?"

"Hi, I'm Dr. Stokes. I see you had a little accident this evening" She was looking down at my chart.

My mouth was still dry and voice shaky. "Mmmhhmmm" I murmur licking my lips.

She walked to the side of my bed and while I was semi sitting up, when she lifted the top half of my bed, I winced and gasped for air.

"That hurt?"

Was she really asking that? Was that not made clear? If looks could kill I'm sure she'd be dead. From the ice glare I was giving her, there was no need for me to answer. She gave me a small smile but my face told her I wasn't in the mood.

"I'm going to check-"

"Just do it"

I usually wasn't like this. It took a lot to get me to the point where I was dismissive and rude. But with falling down the stairs and all, I think my attitude was warranted.

"I'm just going to listen to your heart and lungs." she unwrapped her stethoscope from around her neck and helped me sit forward. The cold was welcomed on the bruises I knew were forming on my already pale back. "Deep breath in" the stabbing feeling in my chest only allowed for shallow breaths. "Great. Now out" I rolled my eyes because the breath I'd first inhaled had since been expelled.A hiss escaped my lips when I sat back and she began checking my eyes, and reflexes.

"So" she began lifting the cloth that I didn't realize I was holding tight in my fists. "Hey" Her head was to the side and her green eyes met mine. "Its okay. I just want to make sure you don't have any internal bleeding" She continued her reassuring and I only nodded.

The gasp that slipped past her lips didn't go unnoticed. Was there any way my eyes could close tighter? Maybe if I clicked my heals a few times and prayed I was anywhere but in this bed and under the watchful eyes of this doctor, I somehow magically disappear.

"Did someone do this to yo-"

I heard the he curtain rings chime against each other signifying that the curtain that shielded me from the rest of the busy ER was being open. I didn't need to open my eyes to know that the person standing in front of me was my husband. I could smell his body wash. There was suddenly a heat radiating from where he stood. No one could tell me that the person standing less than ten feet away from me wasn't my man.

"Lexie!"

"Sir, I'm in the middle of an exam. You'll ha-"

"I'm her husband!"

The quick movement caused me to open my eyes. I could hear the heart monitor picking up speed. Did I fear my life? No. The doctors on the other hand, yes. "Its fine. He's my husband." I smiled the fakest smile my lips would allow at the doctor. "Please, continue"

"Lex, you okay? I was so worried!" He rushed to my side.

The red head moved away from the bed for a minute but I could still feel her eyes on me.

"I'm fine, Tony. Really."

He moved to kiss my head and I knew he didn't catch it but I'm sure the doctor noted my flinch. His lips moved from my forehead to my cheek and then to my ear. I continued to stare at a piece of lent stuck to the bed sheet while his hands gripped the opposite side my head. To the naked eye, it looked like a loving caress. But I could feel the strands of hair being pulled and feel his hot breath speaking something into my ear that proved this exchange was nothing close to loving.

"You little bitch." He said with what I could feel was a smile. He was good at that. When we were around other people but he wanted to convey his anger he'd do this thing where he'd talk through his smile. His voice was always so low that, with time, I had to train my ear to listen for it.

"Honey, the doctor was just finishing up her exam so we can go home"

"Mrs. Santos I don't think-"

"Is she going to be okay? I was so worried when she fell. She can be so clumsy sometimes" Tony turned to me "I told you to take it slow when you're going down those stairs baby." He smiled back up at the doctor "She's always missing a step or two"

Dr. Stokes is looking straight at me "I see" her face once sympathetic, now straight.

"Yeah, so when can I take my wife home?"

We both looked at the doctor awaiting her answer. Part of me wanted her to say never. Tell me that I was dying and would never leave this hospital. The other half just wanted to leave and go home. I smiled at her. I hope it was encouraging enough. It was in an effort to say 'its okay' but it wasn't and I'm sure she could see that.

"Mr. Santos, I would like to keep her overnight" she looked from me to Tony "Just to make sure she's okay. I have a few test I want to run and instead of having your wife come back for them I'll just have them do them first thing in the morning."

"Is that necessary? What, its just a few bruises and a sprain or something" he looked at me "can't you just give her a few pain killers and prescription and let us go home" his eyes were cold. He reached to push a few strands of hair from my face "I'm sure she'd feel better in her own bed." He looked back at the doctor "I promise she'll be on bedrest for the entire weekend."

"I'd really like to go home." My voice was still raspy but loud enough. Tony's hand was swallowing mine as he squeezed it so tight I thought I'd heard a few knuckles pop. It was what he usually did when he wanted me to back him on something.

"Mrs. Santos-"

"My wife said she wants to go home. Can you please just go get her discharge papers!"

By the vibration in his voice, I could tell that his patients was wearing thin. I knew that only meant one thing. While he would relatively keep his cool here in public, all that built up anger would only be taken out on me when we got home. In the state I was in, I don't think I could handle what would already be waiting for me when that door closed us off from the rest of the world never mind the added anger from this exchange going on right now.

"Please" My voice sounded so small. Who was I right now?

The red head inhaled deeply and I prepared for the worst. "Understand, Mrs. Santos, if you leave it will be AMA and you'll have to sign papers stating that I've explained to you the risks an-"

"Just get the fucking papers!"

Tony's hand jerking out of mine and hitting the bed made me jump and that sent a serge of pain through me that I wondered if I could handle. "Please, the papers." I released through tight jaw and a scrunched up face.

Tony's outburst must have scared her because she agreed and left.

"You told that bitch detective that I did this to you." It wasn't a question. "She was out there when I was asking about your condition and questioned me like I was some kind of common criminal" I don't know what scared me more, his voice when he was yelling or when it was low and hushed sending chills down my spine.

"I didn't, Anthony."

"So why is she insinuating that you did" Again, that wasn't a question warranting an answer. "If I find out you-"

"Okay Mrs. Santos if you just sign here acknowledging that you're signing out-" before she could finish Tony had pulled the clipboard from her hands and shoved it in my lap. I looked up at her after signing the papers and silently mouthed my apologies.

"Get your clothes, Alexandra and lets go."

With one last look at the doctor, I slowly sat up and swung my legs over the bed facing my husband.

"Here's a prescription for some pain medicine. You're going to want them come morning." She placed the paper on the bed close to my hand along with my copy of my discharge. She walked to the curtain and pulled it back just enough for her to get out but not before turning and looking me in the eyes.

"Take care Mrs. Santos."

With that, she disappeared into the busy ER leave me to fend for myself.

* * *

I could hear the door bell. Or was it the bell from the church. Either way it wouldn't stop. I mustered up all the energy I had to slide out of the bed and sit on the side. The cold of the floor assisting me out of my sleep fog. I searched for my slippers with my feet and slid them on. Standing up, the pain that surged through my body caused me to sit back down with a plop which sent another shot of pain vibrating through me. With a slow and uneasy breath out, I stood again. This time I held on the the side table for balance.

This wasn't my room. I only remembered that when I looked to the side of the bed right above the table for the screen that connected to the camera outside our front door. It was a smart investment but expensive so we only installed it in the master bedroom, kitchen and living room. I was now cursing myself at that decision because it would've saved me the pain and agony right now of telling the person at the door I didn't want to be bothered with anything.

Again the bell was ringing. I just wanted to cry. For the first time in a long time I wish my husband was hone. After last night I couldn't believe I was actually wishing for his presence but the walk to the door right now seemed impossible. I could curse myself for making the room farthest to the back of the house and behind the steps the downstairs guest room but at the time I figured having the office in the first spare room at the top of the long hall would be better. I'd be using it more so the closeness to everything including the front door was beneficial.

The bell had finally stopped ringing and I was, believe it or not, mad. With all that it took for me to shuffle out of the room and down the hall, how dare the person on the other side of the door not wait for me. I guess I might as well go to the kitchen and get a yogurt so I can take something for the pain.

Passing the stained glass front door I could see someone standing on the other side. A female. While the form was fit and the colors resembled that of the UPS uniform, I could tell it was someone here for personal reasons. Not business.

"I'm coming!"

My voice was still raw but I'm sure whoever was on the other side of the door heard me because they hand they had lifted to ring the bell again was promptly returned to their side. A few more steps Alexandra. You can do it.

I yanked the door open unintentionally. The weight I put on the knob to relieve my aching ankle causing myself and the door to fly back. With a quickness, a hand is grabbing me by my elbow to keep me falling.

"Hey, hey woah now." The brunette said as she steadied me. "You okay Mrs. Cabot?"

Our eyes met yet again. I opened my mouth to tell her I was fine. To scold her for being in my house after having crossed the threshold but nothing came out. The wind outside blew and while it shook me from my daze it also allowed me to take it the smell of the detective. Some kind of perfume and what seemed like baby oil.

"Ma'am?"

"Uh, yeah. I'm sorry, can I help you?" With a quickness I was back. My eyebrow arched and a facial expression that said 'we're not friends'. I looked the woman next to me up and down. She must have gotten the hint because carefully she released my arm and walked back to the other side of the door frame.

"Wait, how do you even know where I live? Are you stalking me?"

She was looking at me. "Okay, first of all, no one is stalking you. Second of all, I'm a cop. If you so much as have had a parking ticket, its in the system." She cocked her head to the side. "I went back to the hospital this morning. Thought maybe you'd be ready to tell me what really happened last night. Dr. Stokes was worried about you."

I looked around outside. As much as I loved my neighborhood, my neighbors on the other hand, not so much. Most of them were old or housewives but all very nosey. I was thankful that the brunette wasn't wearing a uniform. She was just a friend. That's what I'd tell Ms. Parker when she asked why some lady was ringing my door bell so much this afternoon.

With a last look around I finally spoke "Uh, com- come in." Moving to the side I allowed her to move inside once again and I pointed her to towards the kitchen.

"I- we-" I stopped wincing in pain. I held up my hand to stop the other woman from coming to me aid. With another deep breath I continued. "My husband and I decided it was best if I came home" I finally made it to where she was standing in the door of the kitchen.

"Please, have a seat. I was just about to make some tea. Can I offer you a cup?"

"Uh…"

"Don't worry Detective Ben-"

"Olivia. Please call me Olivia."

I turned from where I stood at the counter by the sink and looked at the brunette. "Don't worry, _Olivia_ its nothing fancy. I have coffee too if you'd like. That is what you cops usually drink anyway, right?" The smirk on my face hopefully telling her that I was just joking.

Olivia was sitting on one of the stools at the bar and when she didn't reply I looked over to her. She was looking down at something. A piece of paper.

"Detective?"

What was she looking at that had her so distracted? I knew it would hurt but I extended my arm across the island and grabbed the paper. It took me a minute to adjust my eyes enough to figure out what was written. I could tell it was Tony's hand writing.

"Does he always leave you notes like that when he's finished pushing you down the stairs?"

My head shot up. The fire in my eyes I knew was very apparent.

"I'm _sorry_ about last night, baby. You know I didn't mean it. Is that how he got you to leave the hospital AMA?" Olivia's voice was stern while she repeated what my husband wrote verbatim. "Does he tell you that its your fault he lost control? Hm?" Her head was cocked to the side, a knowing look on her face. "Let me guess, he told you he'd never do it again?"

"Get out!"

"What?" The look of confusion on her face would have almost been cute if she hadn't already pissed me off.

"Get the hell out of my house!" I thought she was someone I could trust. I knew for sure she wasn't like some of the pigheaded officers that had come to the house dozens of times to answer the call from the neighbors about a disturbance in the home next door only to laugh it off when Tony told them I liked it rough. Her eyes betrayed me because. I thought the brown orbs screamed trust but now I didn't even want to look at them.

Standing and walking towards me, she lowered her face in an effort to look in my eyes.

"He's going to do it again. You know it and I know it. And from amount of times I saw the cops respond to this house when I was looking you up, I'm sure he'll do it." She brought her hand to raise up my chin. "You don't have to stay her-"

"I said GET OUT!" I could feel my face turning warm and I'm sure it was bright red as well.

"Fine" she said throwing up her hands. "But you still have my card. I meant what I said, call me anytime." She spoke before walking to the door. She turned to look at me."

"OUT!"

With that, she opened and walked out the door, closing it softly behind her.

* * *

Mi vida,

I hope you slept well and aren't in too much pain. I left a sandwich in the fridge and soup in the Tupperware next to it. I set your phone to remind you to take your medicine. I'm sorry I wasn't there when you woke up and I'm sorry about last night, baby. You know I didn't mean it. I love you. I hope you can forgive me.

Te amo,

Tony.

Olivia was right, it wasn't the first time and it wouldn't be his last. His abuse had no end. Last night was an example. After we'd left the hospital he nearly dragged me to the car. The ride home was one for the books as well. I was surprised we didn't get a ticket as he weaved in and out of traffic. Block after block the speedometer continued to rise. At some point I was actually praying that we'd crash and it would take my life. I dreaded going home. The silence from him wasn't helping because I could literally see steam coming from his ears.

* * *

Tony pulled me out of the car that he parked in the garage he had built under our townhouse. This wasn't the first time he'd yanked me from the passengers side and around the front of the car only to shove me up the few steps and into the house.

I wanted to cry out. The pain shooting through me was almost unbearable but I knew better so I took my lower lip between my teeth and clamped down.

"Really, Alexandra! First you make me have to take you to the hospital and spend almost all fucking night there waiting and then you tell that bitch that I pushed you and don't think I didn't see he way that doctor was looking at me. Did you tell her too? Hmmm?"

I was already on the floor from stumbling up the steps from the garage. As if I was a mop and the floor needed to be cleaned from corner to corner, Tony dragged me by my hair through the hall, past the kitchen and the stairs and into the living room. I yelped when he came to a stop and dragged me past him and I slid towards to table. Why didn't we have any rugs in this damn house? The thought of rug burns had me cringing at that last thought.

For the second time tonight I heard his belt buckle and I whimpered. I would've given anything to be a fly on the wall right now instead. I didn't have the same strength right now as I did earlier. I wasn't even sure I had the energy to keep my eyes open never mind standing up to run. He must have known because next thing I know he had lifted me up over his shoulder and walked down the hall on the other side of the staircase. Passing the office, half bath and the room we used for storage.

When we reached this guest room he reached for the light on the wall, turning it on and threw me down on the bed with a hard flop. Somewhere between inhaling and exhaling my breath got caught and all I could do was moan. My body was on fire. Every nerve felt like it was being pinched.

"You didn't think I'd let a trip to the ER stop me from taking whats mine did you?

His voice was thick and I could hear him moaning as he stuck his hand in his pants. I couldn't do a thing but cry and even that caused me a great deal of pain. While I was busy wiping my tears he had taken off his jeans and was on top of me. When I felt his warm fingers on my abdomen trying to undo the knot on my sweat pants that he had conveniently put on me before our trip to the hospital, I pressed the palm of my hands into his chest.

"Please, don't do this." Emotion heavy in my voice.

"Shut up!"

"Tony, please!"

He yanked my pans down. My head was swimming and I thought I'd black out. If I did, I hope it happened soon. Crawling back up the bed, he spread my legs with his knee. Hovering over me and massaging his member, I could feel the tip hit just below my belly button a few times as he shifted up to kiss me hard. My lip burned from the exchanged after having been bitten to the point where I could taste blood. I gasped at the sudden intrusion and he took that chance to slide his tongue into my mouth.

When we'd first had sex, I was convinced that our bodies were made for each other. He fit inside me like a glove. We'd always start off making love and then it would become a frantic race to the next climax. Seconds, minutes, sometimes hours were spent pleasuring each other and by the time we were done he'd always make sure to get a warm cloth and wipe me off before we fell asleep. That was then. As time went on, things started to change. Our love turned into a quick fuck in the bathroom while I brushed my teeth before work, trying to push him away, or him forcing me to give him oral in the kitchen while dinner simmered and sometimes burned on the stove only for him to later get mad that I allowed the food to go to waste.

There were good days. Some nights he'd come home, usually after he'd been rough with me night before or snapped at me that morning, with flowers and a box with a new pair of earrings or ticket to the ballet. I'd thank him and by the end of the night he'd have me screaming his name in ecstasy.

I could hear him grunting and ever time he pumped in and out of me it felt like sandpaper rubbing against my skin.

"Stop."

"Shut up, Alexandra." He moaned into my ear as he started kissing my jawline. It took everything in me not to gag. A combination of the pain and disgust for the man above me had me feeling like emptying my stomach all over the place. Only thing stopping me was the fact that I knew he'd make me do something like lay in it or god only knows what. I swallowed hard and kept my eyes closed.

"Baby please, you're hurting me"

Slap!

"I said shut your fucking trap!"

Moving down to my chest and lifting my shirt, he took my left breast of my bra and enveloped my nipple in his mouth and clamped down. I yelped loud enough that I'm sure the neighbor's heard me. That must have turned him on more because picked up his pace and moved to my other nipple. This time sucking it hard enough I was sure it'd hurt in the morning.

His fingers went for the one spot he knew not matter how unaroused I was, would have my knees shaking. Roughly he rubbed the sensitive bud poking out from my folds and I gasped. I immediately tensed up as I felt the pleasure stirring from deep within me. I didn't want this. I didn't want any of it.

"That's it Lex. Cum for daddy."

He continued his strokes and my eyes rolled back as I moaned and and jerked. I pushed my hands against him again in a last effort to get him off me. Time seemed to stand still ask I came crashing down around him.

"No, no, no, no, no"

"Yes! Thats it babygirl. Just let go. You know you want this just as much as I do"

Seconds later he started grunting and I could feel his hot release deep inside of me. Tears were now freely running down my face. He pulled out of me quickly and my body shook with another orgasm. I cupped my private part and closed my legs rolling over to my side as I rode out the unwanted orgasm.

It was almost like another person had entered his body because he walked into the adjoining bathroom and turned on the shower. Walking back he gently rolled me back over and took my arm. I could see it in his eyes, it was like a switch had been turned on, the love and adoration was back.

I felt disgusting and a shower wasn't a bad idea. I let him help me sit up and into a standing position. My legs wobbled and he took on my weight as he ushered me into the bathroom. I'd never been in here for anything other than to decorate it. The steam was beginning to fog the mirrors and I was kind of happy because in a minute I'd be completely naked and I knew the condition my body was in was a visual I wasn't ready for.

"Put your hands up baby. Let me take off your shirt." he said reaching for the hem that was now sitting on top of my breast.

I did the best I could to lift my arms but them didn't get far.

"Hurts." I whispered.

"I know, Lex. Just try. I'll be quick, I promise." He spoke into my hair as he placed a kiss on my forehead.

A sob escaped me and I howled as I raised my arms as high as I could. I don't remember it hurting this much when I put it on at the hospital. Then again I was still on pain meds.

"Okay baby" he said easing my arms back down and unsnapping my bra. I shrugged it off allowing it to fall on the floor.

"Go climb in and I'll come help you wash up." He said holing the glass door open.

"Okay."

The water was welcomed against my skin. I stood under the stream and allowed it to envelop me. I could hear the creaking of the steps above me. He must have went upstairs to put the clothes in the hamper. No, I knew thats what he went to do. Moments later I felt him behind me and I stiffened at his presence.

"Its okay. I'm not going to hurt you, mi amor"

Ha! How ironic. But I relaxed and allowed him to wash my body and hair. When I really couldn't stand anymore I leaned into him for support. Once we were done, he stepped out first and then helped me. Lotion, antibacterial ointment, bandaids a fresh pair of pajamas and two pain meds later he stood up and held out his hand to me.

"I'm going to sleep here tonight" I finally spoke.

"You sure? I can carry yo-"

"No" I shook my head "Its better down here. Tomorrow you wont be here and I wont have anyone to carry me downstairs" I smiled lightly.

"Okay." He looked at me and cupped my face. "I love you, Lex." He kissed me and tucked me in. The last thing I remember is him turning off the light.

* * *

At some point during the night he'd come in and woke me up to make sure I was okay.

"Just making sure you didn't have a concussion"

I smiled and dozed back off.

* * *

Putting down the note I walked to the fridge and took out the sandwich and soup. I wasn't big on medicine but I needed something to dull the internal and external ache was feeling. Unwrapping the sandwich I smiled at how he'd cut it into fourths. I was a nibbler. Never one to finish a whole of anything. Turning slowly I put the bowl in the microwave and hit the reheat button.

I know that no matter how nice he is now, it would only last but so long. Walking at snails speed to the entryway I looked in the bowl on the table where I'd sworn I put the papers from the night before including the card _Olivia_ had given me.

"Shit!"

I knew exactly where it all had went. I closed my eyes and cursed myself for be so reckless. Inside the papers was the prescription that my loving husband had offered to fill.

"Well, Alexandra. You really fucked up now"

AN: Let me start by saying thank you to all of those who reviewed, followed and favorited this story. Again, I know this is way out of character for Alex but I promise you, she'll come out of this.


	3. Chapter 3

**AN:** Sorry for the grammatical errors! I'll try better next time! And thank you to all who reviewed, followed and favorited. You guys are great!

It's after six when I finally work up enough strength to tackle the steps. Standing at the bottom I look up and for a minute I contemplate if I really want to do this. I'm a few steps up when I have to stop. Closing my eyes I flash back to the night before. Tony was right, it wasn't my first time taking a fall down the steps. So much so that I knew how to tuck myself just enough to prevent the most damage. I remember the first time I "fell" I'd broken my wrist, cracked a few ribs and dislocated my knee. Thats just to name a few. It took me a while to recover but thank god it was summer time so I didn't have to worry about work or even an excuse as to why I hadn't left the house in a while. _Its too hot to go anywhere. Oh, Tony and I went on summer vacation._ I'd come up with a few excuses by the time school had started back up and fellow teachers inquired about why I wasn't in attendance at a few barbecues they'd thrown.

One of my falls had even claimed a tooth. Nothing serious in my eyes. It was all the way in the back and unless you were looking, no one could tell it was missing.

Opening my eyes I continue my journey up the stairs. One by one I struggle to catch my breath but I'm determined to make it to the top. When I realize I need to stop and catch my breath, I hear the door bell again. I almost want to cry. I don't remember ordering anything so the odds of it being the delivery guy are slim. It could be one of my neighbors. It was only a matter of time. Then it dawns on me. It's probably Tony's "I'm sorry" gift. Usually after a night like last he sends flowers or he'll call and tell me to get dressed in something pretty and they'll be a car outside waiting for me. I roll my eyes.

"Fuck!"

The bell rings a few more times and I turn to begin my decent down the steps. I guess whoever was out there got tired of waiting for me because I see the mail slot open and a white paper bag fall through. Immediately I recognize it. It's from the pharmacy. I breathe a sigh of relief. Both for not having to walk back down the steps and also because this must mean Tony didn't find Olivia's card. If he had, I'm sure putting in my prescription would've been the last thing he was worried about.

Turning again, I've got about ten more steps and I'm hell bent on walking them with no more rests in-between.

"Okay Alexandra, you can do this!"

My pep talk motivates me enough to reach the top. I'm holding onto the banister for dear life both in pain and shock. I did it. Now I just want to go to bed. A tear falls and lands on my hand. Its the only one I let fall. Turning, I walk to the bedroom, past the bed and into the bathroom. Before I can reach to turn on the water for the shower I fell my phone vibrate and hear the text alert. I move quickly to retrieve it from my back pocket.

 _Staying late. Don't wait up._

I don't even bother to unlock the phone and reply. Tossing the phone onto the counter, I turn to the radio and switch it on. For some reason knowing that my husband wont be home anytime soon puts me in a better mood and I find myself humming to Beyonce singing about being Drunk In Love.

Once the water is on and the temperature good enough, I take off my clothes. Again I avoid the full length mirror. If I look as bad as I feel, I don't want to see. Opening up the doors to the shower and stepping inside I immediately grab my loofah and start squeezing soap onto it. I scrub as hard as I can pushing aside the burning pain that siring through me. It may be all in my mind but I can't seem to get myself to feel clean.

* * *

After almost an hour of scrubbing every inch of my body, I could feel my legs shaking and my fingers had began looking like raisins so I decided to get out.

It's already after eight when I'm crawling into bed. With my pain meds still downstairs, I decided to take a few Aleve PM. It could be the fact that I haven't eaten all day or maybe even the bottle stating that it was fast acting but I'm almost asleep before my head hits the pillow.

I manage enough strength to turn on the tv for some background noise and then I'm out. I still don't know where the card Olivia gave me is but I remind myself in my twilight to check the pocket of my pants from the previous night. Yeah, thats where I left it. _I hope._

* * *

 **Olivia's POV**

"Olivia" Cragen's voice is low but catches my attention. "My office!" He demands.

I look up from the file that I had long since stopped reading and was now using it as a back drop to my daydreams.

"Oooh, you're in trouble." Amaro says in a sing song voice. He smirks leaning back in his chair.

Standing up, I take a sticky note off the pad on my desk, crunch it up and throw it at the man sitting across from me. "Shut up!" He dodges the blue paper ball and I glare at him with a small smile on my face.

I guess my stride to the office wasn't quick enough because seconds later Cragen is yelling for me again. This time his voice is loud enough to make me jump.

"Close the door"

I do as requested and turn back to the older man.

"Capt'n did I do-"

"Care to tell me why I got a call from narcotics about one of my detectives snooping around inquiring about a nonexistent case?" He standing now. Hands in his pocket.

Looking away, clearly guilty, I open my mouth to speak but I'm cut off before I can even say anything.

"Let me ask you again and this time before you fix your mouth to tell me some crap, I wan to make it very clear, you are on thin ice and I'd advise you to tell me the truth."

Turning to the sofa, I sit and run my hand through my hair. "I didn't realize what I was getting into Cap. I was just looking up a name and address and next thing-"

"Stop."

I stand up again and this time I'm at his desk trying to plead my case. "But sir-"

"I said stop!" Again I jump; startled by the bass in his voice. "Its not up for discussion and I'm not going to tell you again. You are messing with something bigger than you, Olivia." He's walking from around his desk now and comes to a stop right in front of me.

"Anthony Santos is believed to be part of a major drug operation. Over the years they've tried to take him down but between disappearing witnesses, lack of evidence and what appears to be some dirty cops, they haven't been able to prove he's involved never mind take him down."

"His wife. She came into the ER the other night when we were there working the Angelo case…" I turn away and rub my hands over my face. This was beyond what I imagined. "One of the nurses asked me to talk to her because she'd seen some mutilation on her body and this was the fifth time she'd "fallen" down the stairs."

"Did she say it was her husband?"

"She didn't have to Cap!" I knew raising my voice was testing my boundaries but at this point, I was already fired up. "I could see it all over her face. And when I asked him how it happened, he was very defensive and was quick to think I was accusing him for it. I mean come on, you know when that happens it usually means they have something to hide."

Cragen walked back around to his chair and sat. He gestured for me to do the same in the chair that was directly in front of his desk.

"The next day when I went to go check on our vic I also went to see if Mrs. San- Cabot…" His eyebrow raised at the alternate name I used and for a moment I paused but just as quickly, I continued. "When I asked the doctor about how she was doing she told me that the husband had gave off a bad vibe and he'd demanded that they leave last night AMA so I might have came back here and did a little search to get their address…" At this point all the facts were flowing out of me like lava but they quickly came to a halt when Cragen's hand shot up to stop me.

"You did what?"

Uh oh.

"I got their address and I might have went over to their house and spoke to the wife. She was just as closed off as she was the other night. But Cap, there was a note and-"

"Stop." His face was tight and I knew I'd messed up now. "Just stop."

We sat in silence for a few minutes and all the seconds that passed were more grueling than the one before.

"So let me get this straight. You spoke to the wife and she said nothing happened?" I nod. "You spoke to the husband and _he_ said nothing happened?" I nod again and exhale softly. I already know where this is going and if I didn't respect this man like a father, I'd probably walk out because I honestly don't want to hear it.

"Olivia, you know I look at you like a daughter. You're one of my best detectives." I feel like a kid in the principals office. I nod and he continues. "I'm telling you this now, shut it down." I open my mouth to protest but he's quicker. "Thats not a request, its an order."

Getting up from my chair, I stand at the desk looking straight at the older man in front of me. So much running through my head but the only thing I could say is a forced "fine" as I knock my knuckle against the desk and turn to leave. I halt my steps at the door and turn back. He's gone back to whatever paperwork is on his desk and I know that the discussion is over. Not just now but for good.

Something about that blonde blue eyed woman and her husband just didn't sit well with me. I know she's not safe there and I'd be going against everything I believed if I just left her there to continue being abused or god forbid killed.

Plopping down at my desk I can feel eyes on me. Looking at the other three detectives I shoot a glare that lets them know I'm not in the mood and everyone goes back to what they were doing.

The rest of the day goes by quickly and before I know what I'm doing I'm sitting in my car outside of the Santos house and I can't bring myself to leave. I learned early on in life that I should always follow my gut and right now my gut was telling me that no matter the consequences, I had to get that woman out of that house. _For good._

* * *

A truck zooming past the car shakes me from my sleep and in seconds I'm reaching for my gun and squinting to adjust my eyes. Realizing what caused me to wake from my uncomfortable slumber, I relax. I twist my head from one side to the other only satisfied when I hear two pops.

A few more minutes and I realize where I'm at. Looking up at the brownstone across the street, I notice the all the lights are off inside and the outside front lights are on. I can't believe I fell asleep. _Oh well._ I glance at the clock before seatbelting myself in, pressing the break and shifting the car into reverse.

It wasn't that late. Nine thirty to be exact. I don't know what I expect to see sitting outside the Santos house. _You gonna follow her everywhere she goes, Olivia? You should just leave well enough alone._ Amaro's words are fresh in my mind. I had asked him about latin gangs and if he'd known anything about Anthony Santos. _Yeah, I actually use to live not too far from him growing up. Went to the same school for a while. He was raised in a foster home. Nice lady took him in._ _He used to call her Wela. It's Abuela for short._ We sat in my car for a while talking about the man in question before I dropped Nick off at his place. I used to think that my partner of two years didn't know me and I couldn't trust him farther than I could throw him but before he shut the door on the way out, he looked at me and reminded me that I was playing with fire.

Moving through the Manhattan streets with ease had become second nature for me and before I knew it I was searching for a spot by my apartment. Checking my phone had almost become a twitch for me. I was afraid it would ring or I'd get a text and I would miss it or it would be too late. Before I reached for the door handle I pressed the home button on my phone and much to my dismay I had no alerts waiting for me.

Get it together Olivia.

The rest of my evening was spent google searching all that I could about Anthony Santos. I figured this way, it would seem innocent and no one could know it was me. Everything said the same thing Cragen had told me earlier. News paper articles reported him being arrested and speculated that witnesses that had gone missing were somehow tied to him and the other men working for him. It was a bunch of nothing but at the same time it made me see that I wasn't dealing with an average joe shmo.

What's a young, attractive and intelligent woman like her doing with a drug dealer? I do a search on Alex Cabot and come up empty. Google doesn't have anything on her but I hope when I look her up at work I get some kind of insight because nothing make sense right now.

* * *

This day really can't get any worse. First, I was called into work on a Sunday, my usual day off. Not long after I get a phone call that Nick's mother was sick so she couldn't watch Zara. He promised he'd meet me as soon as possible but I told him not to worry. It wasn't his day to catch anyway and Fin had already told me he was on his way. Then when I get to the scene, the victim is DOA. Warner tells me that the woman was dead going on ten hours and while she's talking my heart skips a beat. The blond hair is the only thing recognizable on her head. Her face, Melinda tells me, was burt off with some kind of acidic that she couldn't pinpoint until she got back to the morgue.

"Sexual assault?"

"Yeah." She's says looking up at me. "The same acid he used on her face he also used on her lower reagins. I can't tell you much but I'll bet you my months pay that he sodomized her. Probably with that pipe over there." I turn to where her glove covered finger is pointing. Sure enough theres a two foot pipe with blood on it laying by the wall of the building.

"So what are the odds the person who did this left prints?" I ask crouching down by the body.

"We wont know until I get this stuff back to the lab." Snapping off her gloves, she stands. "I'll have ESU bag it up."

"K, thanks." I mumbled. I knew it probably wasn't the blonde haired blue eyed woman I spent all night thinking about but that didn't stop the uneasy feeling in the pit of my stomach. I reach in my pocket for a blue glove I usually grabbed in routine when I left the house.

"Detective?"

Mel's voice breaks me from my thoughts and I look up again.

"Was there any ID?"

"No, she was naked. I've got guys searching the dumpster but so far nothing."

I don't reply. My mind is back to the daunting task at hand. Is this her? I don't even bother asking about the branding and if this body had any signs of it. Lifting up the white sheet I breathe a sigh of relief when I look at the victims stomach and the nothing there was a whole from a piercing.

"Liv?"

"Yeah?" I look up and I'm back to reality. "Oh. Um…yeah thanks. I'll see you later." I know I'm acting weird but at this point I don't even care.

I'm half way back to my car when Fin finally shows and I tell him theres no need to stay.

"You sure? I mean cause I can just-" He's almost stuttering his words. I raise my eyebrow and hold up my hand.

"Do whatever. I'm sure your girlfriend wouldn't mind seeing you anyway." I say with a smirk.

"Liv, she's not my girl." His face is a mixture of embarrassment and amusement.

I start walking backwards to my car. "Yeah, okay." I drag out the last word and stick up my thumbs. "Whatever you say playa." The grin on my face was big and I'm now opening the drivers side door.

"Meet you back at the station, mkay?"

"Yeah, see you there in a few." And with that he's off towards the scene ducking under the yellow tape and strolling towards the brown skin M.E. His stride was different and all I could do was smile and shake my head.

From there the rest of the day went downhill. I caught a flat on the way to the station, I spilled coffee all over my desk and to top it off, when we went to go speak to a suspect, he took off running. Before I knew it I was running through and ally and climbing a fence only to come face to face with the aluminum cover of a garbage can.

My mind said duck but my body was so exhausted from the chase that it didn't react in time.

I could hear a car come to a screeching halt and an officer announce his presence.

"SVU portable to central! Officer down!" Fin's voice sounded far but I could see him standing above me. "We need a bus! Officer down!" He repeats.

I was fine. At least I felt fine. That was until I tried to sit up and my head felt like it weighed a thousand pounds. I raised my hand to my forehead when I felt liquid rolling down.

"Don't touch it Liv. Just wait."

"I'm okay." I try sitting up again.

"Liv just-" I know Fin means well but I wish he'd just stop.

I finally force myself to stand, pushing past the protests of the man standing above me. "Fin, stop. Really, I'm fine. I didn't even blackout."

"Oh, ok…yeah cause that's so damn reassuring." He said with a hint of sarcasm and a small smirk.

I look around him searching. "The perp? Where is he?" Fin's got his hands on my shoulder trying to keep me back and with the way my head is swimming, its not that hard but I'm still trying to fight against him. "No seriously, did you let him get away cause I was-"

"Liv, Liv. Relax." He moved to the side and I could see a marked car and a uniformed officer coming around the corner with the guy I was chasing not too long ago.

I can hear more sirens and the young uniformed officer is shoving a man in the back of his car. Everything seems to be moving in slow motion at this point. I sway a bit, grabbing for Fin.

"Come on baby girl, let's get you checked out." I open my mouth to protest but I fall short when Fin tells me that if I'm all cleared, he'll let me come back to the station.

As if he really had a choice.

Two aspirins, five stitches and Fin going back on his word and trying to convince me to go home and "relax" later, I'm sitting at my desk. It's a bit slow and Cragen isn't in so I pull up the police database and begin my search.

First up, Alexandra Cabot.

"Alexandra Cabot? Is that your vic?"

 _Damn._ I didn't even get to press the search button before the voice coming from behind me shakes me just enough to close the tab and swing around in my chair.

"Nope!" Nice, Liv. Way to not look suspicious. "You got something for us?"

Melinda's eyebrow is raised skeptically to which I just shake my head. This was a conversation best held with wine. Bottles of wine. She goes on to tell me about her findings and when she's done I make plans to meet her at her house in a an hour.

I've got a headache coming on and I'm starting to think Fin was right. I should've went home but I won't tell him that.

* * *

It's almost nine at night. The sun had set long ago and the dinner since been consumed. Mel's long curly hair laid freely over the back of the couch while she sat straight but relaxed against the pillows behind her. "You like her?" she asked. Her wide rim wine glass sitting on her leg with the help of one hand while the other picked at the hem of her shirt.

I'm sitting next to the beautiful brown-skin M.E on the couch; one leg under me while the other one hangs off the side. A glass of wine in my left hand as the right sifts through my hair and comes to a rest on the backside of the couch. "No." I'm lying.

She takes a sip from her glass. She knows me and I hate it. "You don't even know her and from the looks of things, she's straight." Reaching for the bottle of red, she gestures towards me.

Accepting, I wait for her to finish. "And lets not forget that her husband is not only allegedly abusive…" her slim finger stops me from cutting her off. "…and I say that because for all we know, she could have done it to herself. So not only that but you know how you are, Liv." She tilts her head to the side in an effort to catch my eyes with hers. "You not only think you can save the world but you have a habit of…"

"Don't you dare, Melinda!"

" _You_ have a habit of falling for the ones with the most messed up past or drama filled-"

I sit up straight now. "Aye please. That's so not true!" I can't even be mad because she's right. "I fell in love with you and you don't have some shitty past life." I shoot her a small smirk.

"Yeah well…"

"Then again…you did only use me."

She sat up, shock written all over her face. I never really told or let her see just how much it hurt when _she_ broke up with me.

"Liv!" She said, tangling her fingers in mine. "I loved you. You introduced me to new things and made me feel loved and wanted and…I was in love with you. I just-" Her pause was enough.

My throat ached with the strain of holding back my tears. "Mel, its fine." I whispered. I squeezed her hand and then let it go. "Fin is a lucky guy."

"I don't know what you're talking about." She says rolling her eyes and resuming her position.

"Mmmhmm. Sure you don't." I can feel the vibration of my voice as I speak against my glass, taking a long sip.

A few minutes later I can feel her eyes on me. Knowing she was looking at me, we burst into a fit of laughter. The two bottles of wine and a few shots of tequila being the main reason because I'm sure, neither of have a clue why we're nearly in tears.

When we've stopped and the room falls silent again I look down at the hangnail I've been picking at. "Meli, whats a middle school teacher doing married to a drug dealer?" That was the question weighing heavy on my mind.

"I don't know, Liv, but if there's anyone who can get her out, it's you."

* * *

 **Alex's POV**

Monday morning had come too quickly and I find myself standing in the kitchen getting ready to put a K-Cup in the Kurig when I hear the garage door open. I could tell the man who'd just walked in was not the same man who left yesterday afternoon. I continue what I'm doing, making sure the coffee is starting to brew, and for a moment I close my eyes and try and bask in the memories of the afternoon before.

Sunday was spent cleaning, as every Sunday usually was in the Santos house, and painfully searching for the detective's card. While I was putting a load of laundry in the wash, Tony came walking through the door.

I pretended I didn't hear him as he took the stairs two at a time up to the room. I could hear water running and thirty minutes later his footsteps were again on the steps, this time going down.

"You cook dinner yet, Alexandra?"

I turned from where I was putting the new fresh fitted sheet on the guest bed to see him in his three piece suit standing against the door frame. "It's three in the afternoon." I spat back.

"That's not what I asked." His voice was low but not with anger. "Aye, why do you always have to make things so much harder." He's fidgeting with his tie now. "You're like this tie. You make me look good but you're a real bitch." Smiling, he winks.

I smile back at him. He's in a good mood. _I think_. "Let me do it." I say as I slowly walk towards him. He meets me half way and I go right to work tying his tie.

His big hands grab my waist, pulling me close to him and I wince. He doesn't remove his hands but his grip is loser.

"Still sore?" I nod. "Did you take something for it?" I finish the knot and shake my head. "Lex, you're not superhuman. You should take the pain meds if you're hurting." Tony's hand leaves my side and cups my cheek.

"I know." I say placing my hands on his chest.

He kisses me and I'm like putty. His breath tastes minty and his lips a little cold but it doesn't stop me from getting on my tippy toes and deepening the kiss. Running his tongue over my lips, he bites the lower one and releases it with a pop. I whimper when he pulls away.

"You shouldn't be doing so much baby. Cleaning can wait." His movement is so fast that he misses the shocked expression on my face. "Let me help you make the bed and then I was gonna go visit wela and have Sunday dinner at her house, thats why I was asking if you'd made dinner yet. I was thinking maybe you'd want to come." He says as he pulls the other side of the sheet over the mattress and I hand him a pillow case. "I'm sure she'd love to see you. All I hear is 'my Alex this and when are you and flaca going to have babies?' I swear she asks every time." He's smiling now and it's contagious.

"I'm not ready. My hair is a mess and I still have papers to grade."

I'm holding the last pillow against myself now, preparing for his response.

"I figured. I told her that you weren't feeling well. Said she'd send me back with the soup you love."

He walked back to the side of the bed I was standing on and pulled the pillow from my arms, tossing it on the bed. He took the black framed glasses that were perched on my nose and pushed them to the crown of my head. His hands fell at my hips again but this time he was lifting my shirt. I stiffened immediately and there was no hiding it.

"Tony, baby. Please…" I said trying to turn away but he was quick to hold me in place.

Looking in his eyes, I could see the man I fell in love with back when we were young.

When the hem of my shirt finally came to a stop it was sitting on top of my breast. I watched as the man before me kissed my lips and then my cheek before taking to one knee and kissing the multi colored bruises on my stomach that made it hard to believe my skin wasn't naturally that color.

"I'm so sorry, babe."

My hands went to his soft straight hair. His signature style was to have it pushed back and I loved it. For as long as we've known each other, I was his barber. _No one can cut my hair like you, amor._ And he was right. The length wasn't too long but it was only something that I'd perfected after one too many hits.

I could feel his warm tears against my skin and it wasn't long before my eyes burned with tears threatening to spill over. He lifts his head and stands again. Looking down into my eyes, I wish we could've stayed in this moment forever.

"Lets have a baby."

He speaks as though he'd just come up with the best idea in the world.

"Anthony…" I say dragging out the end. "I'm not ready. After last time…Penny was…I can't"

"I know." He nods. "Just…think about it?" His eyes search mine and I turn away. Slipping a finger under my chin, he turns my head back. "For me? Please, mi vida."

This could go one of two ways. I can agree to "think about it" and we could move on. Or, I could stress the fact that I'm not ready, and watch my husband go from an angel to the devil in a matter of seconds.

"Okay." I say defeated. "But!…" I stopped, my index finger poking him in the chest. "It can't be like the last time." I warn.

"Yes, yes, si!" He kisses me deeply and then pulls away. "I know. It'll be different. We're older now. I'll take care of you I swear."

Tony smiles like a kid who's parent just told them they could have candy for breakfast, watch as much cartoons as they want and buy as many toys at the store that money could get. He was so excited that he peppered my face with kisses and all I could do was smile defeatedly.

After a few more kisses and him trying to convince me to take it easy I found myself standing on the step that connected the house to the garage. I waited until the big door closed back down before I returned to the house. Papers still needed to be graded, clothes were waiting to be folded and I still had to find that card.

* * *

His stride was heavy. I could feel the hairs on the back on my neck stand and that feeling you get when someone is looking at you was burning inside of me.

The conversation we'd had when Tony called last night was him telling me he was staying the night at his wela's because him and some of his foster brothers had a little too much to drink. I assured him that I'd be fine without him and despite the men in the background poking fun at him, he blew me a kiss through the phone and we said our goodnights.

Turning slowly, the look in his eyes sent chills down my spine. His grey eyes, once light, were now dark.

"Tony?"

The white card was moving between his fingers almost as if he was about to ask 'is this your card?' durning some amateur magic trick. I closed my eyes in defeat. Ah fuck.

He stepped towards me. The island separated us but I knew that wasn't enough to keep him from me.

"Look what I found." Tony said holding up what I had spent all day and night searching for.

"Tony, I can explain!"

I was a tall girl. But even I couldn't make it around the island as quick as he did. I stiffened and flinched in anticipation for the hit I knew for sure was coming. But I was wrong.

* * *

"No." I say getting up from the small table.

Scooting his chair back and standing too, Tony walked over to where I stood in our kitchen. "Lex, you need to know this." His voice pleaded.

Our apartment was no bigger than a trailer but we were young and in love and together. For us, nothing else mattered. Tony and I both were in school, him for business and be for teaching, and this was all we could afford in New York.

I pushed the scrambled eggs back and forth in the skillet. I could feel him behind me, wrapping his arms around my middle and resting his head on my shoulder.

"Babe, I'm serious…you need this just incase. This place is more than just the nice crap you put inside." I pull my head away from his and look at him with narrowed eyes. "I mean don't get me wrong, its cute. I love what you did with the place and all."

"Mmmhmmm." I shrug my shoulder playfully and he kisses my neck. He nibbles on the one spot that gets me every time. I release a moan and my eyes snap shut.

"Alexandra, this neighborhood is dangerous. The people outside that door don't care about you the way that I do…they don't love you."

"I know, Tony…I know." His hand snakes down into the basketball shorts I stole from his side of the drawer after our shower not too long ago.

His moan made my knees shake. I switched off the burner and leaned back into his hard chest. With a swift move, he turned me to face him and just as quickly, his lips found mine in a earth shattering kiss. One hand behind his head and the other pushing down his pants, I hissed finding him just as ready for me as I was for him.

Tony's fingers slipped between my folds and it took all of me to not come undone right then and there. He knew my body well and found my swollen bud in no time. He was teasing me now. I wrapped one leg around his waist and through my head back as a series of "mmm yes" and "please baby" burned through the air.

From the stove to the small counter, he hoisted me up and in the same movement, pulled my shorts down. He always did this thing when we started having sex. He'd step back, and just look at me. His eyes asking for permission and I'd usually nod. It was just another reason I loved him so hard.

Grabbing his waist with my extended legs, I pulled him to me. "Fuck me, daddy." I whispered in his ear.

Round after round we went. I'm pretty sure our neighbors knew my husbands name from the amount of times I yelled it trough cries of ecstasy. Bite marks, scratches, hickeys and sweat glistened on our bodies as the morning sun poked through the closed curtains.

The cold tile made me shiver from the spot we ended up on the floor. The grey eyed man laying next to me pulled me onto his chest and his warmth stopped the chattering of my teeth.

"Okay" I said looking up at him. His beard scratching my forehead. "I guess you can teach me how to use a gun." I said defeatedly.

By the end of the semester I knew how to not only point and shoot but also take apart, clean and put back together a glock. As much as I hated it in the beginning, I found myself going to the shooting range often alone. Handling a gun wasn't as bad as I thought it would be.

* * *

"Why do you have that bitches card? Hmmm?" He's in my face now. My heart is beating so fast I'm pretty sure you can see it through my blouse.

"Tony, she gave it to me at the hospital and I was going to throw it away but I couldn't find it. It must have gotten stuck to my prescription…I'm sorry." I spoke quickly pleading my case. "I'm sorry baby. My loyalty is to you. I promise."

He smacked me. "Shut up you lying bitch!"

My hand flew to my face in shock. I could feel a welt forming where his wedding band collided with my cheek.

"If I find out" he said in a low growl once he'd yanked me closer by my hair "that you told that cop bitch I did something to you" I could feel the barrel of his gun in my back now. "I. Will. _Kill_ you."

Releasing my head with a shove I looked him in the eyes. Re-holstering his gun, he turned and walked away.

I don't know what came over me but I took the oven mitt and threw it at him. "You _don't_ own me!" I said through clinched teeth.

Tony didn't even bother to turn around. He let out a chuckle and shook his head. It was almost a devilish laugh. Turning on his heal I could see it in his eyes that I'd messed up.

I ran for the door that lead to the dining room and again, his strides were bigger than mine because he grabbed me before I could exit. With his hand around my throat and the other on his gun, I tried to calm my breaths.

"I'm going to be late for work, Anthony." I tried in the most steady voice I could muster up.

"Let me tell you something flaca. Despite what you may think, I do fucking own you…I own all of this." He said running his gun over my body. "And if I go down for some petty shit like my wife not knowing how to walk down the damn stairs, I'll make sure to take you down too…in a whole different way."

I whimpered at his hot breath against my face. "Baby, I'm sorry."

"Oh, now you're sorry?" he laughed. "Sorry for what Alexandra? Hmmm?"

"Tony, I can't breathe. Let me go."

"Wah? What was that?" he said shoving my mouth to his ear. "Remember this feeling, Alexandra." his grip around my neck was getting tighter. "You have no one. I kill you and no one would miss you. I promise."

He's right, if I died right now, no one would miss me. Both my parents are dead and I have no other family but him.

"I'm so…sor…" I could barley breathe and I could feel blackness taking over.

"No, you're not" he said matter of factly and released me.

I was now down on my hands and knees gasping for air. With my head facing the ground, I couldn't see Tony taking the safety off the gun but I heard it and before I could move a shot rang out.

And then another.

I opened my mouth to scream but it never made it past my lips.

One more shot made three.

"Next time, you know…I ain't playin, mija."

He walks away and up the stairs. The smell of gun powder and wood burned through my senses. The pain ringing through me coupled with still trying to get my breathing back to normal was enough to send me into shock. I have no more fight. Closing my eyes, I surrender to the darkness.

 **AN:** I know, again, this chapter is all over the place and I apologize. When I first started writing this I didn't realize how much of a toll it would take on me and how difficult it would be to write Olivia's POV because while Alex's story is based on true life, I don't know Liv's side. But yeah, reviews are always welcomed and very much appreciated!


	4. Chapter 4

**AN:** Sorry for the wait. I think I'm going to try for every other Sunday to update. Also, theres a small jump towards the middle. I know this is only the fourth chapter but I wanted to kind of move things along. You'll see…

* * *

My head was throbbing and my ears were popping but I know I could hear the front door bell. I swear, in the last few days, the door bell has rung more times than it has in the whole time we've been living here.

My body felt heavy as I tried to move. Opening my eyes just a bit, the harsh light was too much to handle and I snapped them shut again with a painful moan. The last thing I remember are the gun shots and I force my eyes open again, this time I push past the pain.

Starring at the ceiling, I could tell the lights weren't florescent. _Good, I'm not in the hospital…or morgue._ But the pain I felt, I remember that. If I was shot, Tony would've called an ambulance. _Wouldn't he?_

Without my glasses, trying to figure out where I lay now was hard. I slowly turned my head to the right. Realization washed over me and I could tell I was in the upstairs guest room.

I remember waking up early so that I could make it to the school in time to finish up some work. I remember being in the kitchen and arguing with Tony about the business card and the detective. I remember the anger and the out of body experience of me throwing the potholder. _You really fucked up with that one._ I could even recall the gun shots. The one thing that wasn't coming to mind was how I got up here and why I was in here instead of my room or even still on the kitchen floor.

I could hear my husbands voice echo up the stairs and, though muffled, I could hear a second and third voice too.

…. .. …. .. ….

"Officers" Tony said opening the glass front door.

A young slim cop stood next to a slightly heavier and noticeably older one. "Sir, do you mind stepping outside." It wasn't a question. The gray haired cop wasn't looking for anything other that compliance. Both of them had a hand on their gun, ready.

Tony, with a chuckle, did what was requested by the officers and stepped through the door frame and onto the landing right outside the top step. "Can I ask what this is about?"

"We're Officers Harmon and Wilson and some people said they heard gun shots. One of them said it came from this house."

"Oh that"

"So…they did come from here." The young cop, Harmon, finally spoke.

Smiling his infamous pearly white smile, Tony shoved his hands in the pocket of his suit pants, causing the cops to reach again for their gun. "Woah!" he pulled his hand out of his pockets quickly and raised them to his chest. "Guys, relax…it's all good…look." He slowly put his hands to his sides and started patting them. "See…nothing."

"Sir, turn around and put your hands on the door."

"Are you serious right now?"

He folded his arms angrily across his chest. His caramel completion made it easy to see his face turning red.

"Sir!"

Again, the cop wasn't asking.

"No." Tony stood firm. "I know my rights and if you'd just let me explain, you'll find that this is all just a simple mistake and the works of a nosey neighbor."

Sounds of sirens could be heard approaching quickly and flashing blue and red lights could be seen reflecting off the many windows.

At this point, the older cop had drew his gun and was ready for the fight."If you continue to refuse to comply with our req-" he was cutoff by another voice coming from behind him.

"Woah, woah, hey!" Another cop jumped out of the car and took the stairs two at a time until he reached the top. Slowly he placed his body in front of the gun his fellow brother was holding. "Relax...stand down." Pushing down the officers gun, he turned to Tony and patted his shoulder. "He's good people."

"Shots were reported from this residence."

"I said...stand down."

Tony stood with a smirk on his face and mumbled something only he could understand but it was enough to make the older cop jump at him. He didn't flinch. Years of run-ins with the cops taught him that you should never let them see you scared. "What? Do something…I dare you!"

"Is that a threat?" The older cop spat back.

Pushing themselves between the two, both younger cops were quick to stop whatever had the potential to start.

"Look, Officer…"

"Wilson!"

"Officer Wilson. Hmmm, you from the twentieth precinct? I don't recall seeing you before."

"My partner and I were driving through and some old lady flagged us down so we stopped. She and some other people said they heard gun shots. We weren't going to just not do anything." The older cop was still looking straight into Tony's eyes as he spoke.

"Plus, she said she called more than twenty minutes before she flagged us down. I guess safety isn't a priority in this neighborhood." Wilson, looked now at the unfamiliar cop and raised his eyebrow.

"Well, I'm officer Ruiz and I know Mr. Santos and I can assure you that he must have a very good reason why gun shots were heard coming from here…don't you, Tony?" He looked at the grey eyed man standing behind him.

"Yeah." Tony's nostrils were flared and his ears red but an unmistakable smirk was on his lips.

"See. So why don't you and your partner head on back to whatever station you're from and me and my guys can handle this."

At this point, a police van had pulled up and a few cops were on the sidewalk trying to control the growing crowd of people coming to see what all the commotion was about.

After what seemed like hours, Wilson agreed. "But this is on you." He nudged his partner and they both trotted back down the stairs but not before Tony chuckled and spoke something under his breath making the older officer turn around and charge at him.

Both younger cops were quick to come between Tony and officer Wilson. "Hey, hey…woah!"

"What'd you say? Hmmm? Say it to my face you dirtbag!"

Tony didn't even flinch. His smirk still plastered on his face and very much egging the older cop on. He was smart. Calculated even. He knew what he was doing.

"Yeah, that's what I thought." Wilson said and turned to walk back down the steps.

When the two cops were finally down the sidewalk and almost to their car, Tony spoke again. "Fucking rat."

…. .. …. .. ….

I could hear two pairs of foots steps now and my heart began racing even faster. The world around me seemed to be moving in slow motion. My body still felt heavy and sitting up straight proved to be harder than ever.

My ears were ringing now. They were hot and I'm sure red as well. I was told once that meant someone was talking about me behind my back. I could hear the voices and something told me they were speaking my name but I'd also just been shot at, ringing in my ears was expected.

" _Your wife here?"_

" _Yeah. She got a little ballsy earlier and I had to let her know who's boss…hence the gun shots." Tony pointed at the three holes in the stone floor._

" _Bruh. You can't be doing shit like that…I'm not gonna always be on call to save your ass. You lucky I even heard the call! My commanding officer is getting a little suspicious too…that old lady-"_

 _Tony walked over to the rug in front of the sink. Pulling up his pants at the knee, he bent down and dragged it over to where the three holes were. "That old hag needs to get a life."_

" _While I agree, she also has every reason to be scared. I mean fucking gunshots? The fuck were you thinking? We not back in the hood my man…this is the upper westside." Ruiz was pacing the length of the island now. He rubbed his hands over his unshaved face. "Look, all I'm sayin is…"_

" _You sayin some shit I don't fucking care about!" Slapping his hand on the countertop, Tony's voice echoed and vibrated through the kitchen. He looked at the clock on the stove and then back at Ruiz. "Look, I got a meeting to get to and I still gotta shower. Lexi is up in the guest room."_

" _Tony."_

" _She was out cold before the cops came, might have given her a little something, so I'm sure you can have a quick fuck before you bounce."_

" _Tony, man. Come on…"_

" _What, you rather have money instead?" The officer didn't answer. "Thats what I thought." Tony smirked and walked to the exit by the stairs. "You always were jealous that I got the blanquito. Never were one to pass up me letting you fuck her though." With that he took the steps two at a time and left the other man to stand there._

…. .. …. .. ….

"Alex?"

I could hear him whisper from where I stood shakily in the closet. It was a childish move. Hiding in the closet. I felt like a kid playing hide-n-seek. This time though, I was trying to stifle a sob instead of giggles. My knees wobbled as I swayed. My head was light and every muscle in my body ached.

"Andy?" The door clicked shut and I practically feel out of the closet right into the arms of the man. "Its okay, I got you."

"Miggy…"

"Yeah, Andy, it's me."

When Tony and I first started dating he told me he had a younger brother. The way he spoke about him, I thought he was a baby or something. He'd always say _I gotta go pick up my brother_ or _wela told me to look out for my little bro._ When I finally met him, I was shocked to see that Miguel was grown.

I could see why Tony tried so hard to downplay the other man. Clearly in his mind, they were in competition. Both men were good looking and women flocked to them constantly but there was only one that they both wanted. Me. Or that's what Tony assumed.

Much to Anthony's dismay, his brother and I became close. For a while, this caused a riff between the two. They'd pretend nothing was wrong but childish antics on both parts told a different story. At one point, it got so bad that I wasn't allowed to even be in the same room alone with Miguel. I wondered if it was me my husband didn't trust or if there was something deeper forcing the two brothers apart.

Miguel had called me _Andy_ one day and I liked it but I made him swear he'd never say in front of Tony. The last thing I'd want was him taking another good thing and making me hate it or even worse, taking it the wrong way and twisting it into something it wasn't.

In the past year, their relationship had gotten civil to say the least. Only because now, more than ever, Tony needed Miguel.

He carried me over to the bed. My grip on his shirt was tight forcing him to sit with me in his lap. "God, what did he do to you?" I opened my mouth to speak but only a sob came out.

"Al, do you know what he gave you?" I was still crying too hard to even think about answering. "Shhh…"

After a few minutes I whispered "My head…hurts." The sun hit his shield and the light sent a sharp pain from my head to the bottom of my spine. I barley got the words out before my body lurched and I gaged. On the third time hot liquid forced it's way up and out of me and on to the floor. "Sorry." I moaned.

"No need to be, Andy." After what seemed like hours of him trying to clean me up, a knock on the door scared us both and immediately Miguel threw me on the bed. I know he didn't mean to be so rough but if possible, I could feel my brain shaking at the action.

"Bro, you good in there?" Tony's muffled voice called from the other side of the door. "She not giving you any problems is she?" He turned the doorknob and John was quick to meet him at the door.

Miguel tried to block the view of me on the bed. "Yeah, we're good." But he'd failed. "Bro, I got this…"

Tony pushed through the door and stopped short. "The fuck you do to her?"

"I…she…"

"Damn. I know my wife is good with oral but even I never made her puke." I could hear him smirk. "Finish up. I gotta go and I'm sure your partner ain't happy bout sitting in the car all this time." His steps were loud and heavy and coming to where I laid. When I felt the bed dip, I forced my eyes open.

Slapping my cheek repeatedly, he spoke. "Wake up and clean this shit up you sloppy bitch." I moaned in response.

"I got it bro. No worries."

"No!" Tony got up so quick I thought I was going to bounce off the bed. "She made the mess, she'll clean it up." While I still felt like I was in a fishbowl, I was more lucid than I was before. Still, cleaning up puke was not something I wanted to be doing. "Come on, I'll walk you out."

"Alright. I'll meet you downstairs."

"Bro."

"I just wanna finish up…you know." He wiggled his eyebrows.

Tony nodded and after another look at me, he walked out. Miguel was quick with his movement and he was at my side in no time.

"I'm gonna get you out of here Andy." he said wiping a few strands of hair out of my face. "I promise."

I'd heard it all before though.

* * *

"Well Mrs. Santos, it looks like you are indeed pregnant."

 _Pregnant._ It echoed in my head. Most women my age would be happy. _I_ should be happy. This is what Tony and I have been trying for. Cycle after cycle we'd make love hoping that the at home test would turn up positive only to disappointed month after month.

"How?"

I _knew_ how. I wasn't stupid. I'm a teacher for goodness sakes but that didn't stop the doctor from going on about a woman and her anatomy. Her words seemed so far away as my mind raced. Six months after my husband shot at me, I wasn't at all sure I was ready to be bringing a child into the mix.

"Mrs. Santos?…Alexandra?"

I shake my head a bit to rid myself of my thoughts. "Ye..yes?" I stutter.

"Should I prescribe you some pre-natal vitamins?" Her voice was soft and the way she looked at me caused my eyes to mist. "There are always other options…"

"NO!" The word came out harsher than I expected and I even rose from my seat a bit. Her eyebrow raised to me and I relaxed back into my seat. "When I asked how, I meant…I'm on birth control…the pill."

"Alexandra, you're a teacher and a very smart girl. You and I both know that the pill isn't-"

"I know, I know."

"How about I give you a sample pack of vitamins and you go home and think this over…let it digest. You let me know what you want to do and we'll take it from there."

"I want-"

"Ah ah." She held up her finger and stopped my words. "It's still early. Right now it's a lot to take in and I don't want you to rush into something before you let it sink in." Pushing her chair back, she stands and perches herself on the corner of her desk closest to me. Arms crossed and her head down in an effort to meet my weary eyes, I finally look up at her.

"Fine."

I was on autopilot after my appointment. Dodging the New York City traffic like a pro. In and out of blocks, avoiding the main streets. My mind ran a mile a minute.

A baby was something I'd always wanted. A family. After my parents died, no matter how much Tony's family loved me, nothing would compare to the unconditional love of my child.

We'd tried before. This wasn't the first time my body housed another human. Miscarriages, an abortion and even a still birth. I experienced it all and to this day it seemed like just yesterday I cried the many tears as the doctor told me _there's no heartbeat_.

…. .. …. .. ….

"Lexi?…Babe?"

"In here!"

Standing back, I looked at the finish product in front of me proudly. Lazily I ran the tips of my fingers over my newly "popped" belly.

"Lex?"

I turned hearing my husband calling my name from the door now. The glow from the hall light fell around him as he leaned against the frame making him look almost angelic. I smiled bashfully.

"You like?" I said turning and putting my arms out and gesturing around the room.

"It looks beautiful babe. Did you do this all by yourself?" I felt his arms snake around my waist and his chin rest on top of my head. Slowly we rocked to Janelle Monae's _Primetime_.

"Yeah. I know we still have three months until she gets here but I wanted the nursery done before I started on the other rooms."

Unwrapping himself from me, he took my hand and pulled me towards the first wall. "I figured since this room was already painted a light grey and it was closest to ours, it would be perfect for the nursery."

"You did all this?" He asked again, shock more evident on his face now. I nodded. "Wow." He fingered the freshly painted lampshade that sat on the new dresser. Once Upon A Time reflected on the opposite wall when he tuned on the light.

"I always wanted to do a library themed nursery." I was well aware I sounded like a giddy school girl and I didn't care. Nothing brought be greater joy than the baby I was carrying.

"I know we're having a little girl and everything should probably be pink but…I was hoping that since we've got to many other rooms, this would continue to be the nursery for a few more years and when she gets bigger we could move her…" I stopped hesitantly. "So I did a neutral color to compliment the grey…just incase.."

"In case?" he asked.

"Yeah…I mean…she's going to need someone to play with, right?"

There were only a handful of times I could actually say I'd seen my husband cry. When he finally turned to face me, the rim of his eyes were red and his jaw tight. I knew him and I didn't want to turn this lovely moment into something bad so I took his hand again gave it a squeeze.

"I put a teepee in the corner by the crib. I figured that could be her reading nook since the shelves are on that wall." I pulled him towards the window now. Softly I gave his chest a nudge and he sat down in the grey recliner I'd had redone. "The chair is very comfortable. I sat in it the whole time Miggy was putting togeth-"

"Miguel?" He

"Ye..yes" _Fuck!_

"What was he doing here?"

"Tony…"

"Alexandra I told you I don't want that man here when I'm not around!"

He shot up from the chair causing it to rock backwards and into the wall with a thump. A few books threatened to fall and so did a few of my tears.

"I'm sorry." I hung my head. "I figured since he was your brother that you would rather him than some delivery guys in here putting together the crib and stuff."

"You thought?

" _Tony"_

"Did you fuck him?"

"Anthony!"

I turned to walk out the room. He was quick to grab my arm and pull me back into his chest. My free arm rested protectively over my belly.

"Did. You. Screw-"

"NO!" I tried yanking my arm away but it only made him hold me tighter. "I love you! He just put the furniture together…thats it!"

"You're lying!" He took me by both my upper arms now and squeezed me so hard my feet were beginning to leave the ground.

I could feel my little girl doing flips and kicking. I wonder if she could feel the change in atmosphere. Her mother, so happy and calm was now scared and there was a loud voice she hadn't heard before booming through her save haven.

"I'm _not_." I looked him straight in his eyes. "I swear!"

His anger seemed to only be getting worse. Before I could even blink, he began shaking me. His words fell of deaf ears as I tried to stiffen my body enough to be ready for whatever was to come.

"Tony, the baby!" I managed to scream. He stopped. Bringing me close enough to his face that a chill went down my spine when his breath tickled my face.

"The baby?"

"Yes." He softly brought my back down so my feet touched the floor again. I exhaled and waited for him to release his hold on me.

"I'm so stupid." He laughed sarcastically. "I'm so fucking stupid!"

"Anthony, please." I begged. "Just let me go!"

"It's his, isn't it?"

"No!"

Between the baby kicking and the fear, I couldn't help but to cry out as pee quickly ran down my legs. I silently thanked whatever higher power existed that blessed me with the idea to have a carpet in the room cause I could only imagine what my husband would do if he knew I couldn't control my bladder.

"Tony, please I'm telling you…I love you and only you. This baby is yours and-"

"And nothing you fucking slut!"

Everything happened so fast. I could hear the lamp I so proudly hand painted crash to the floor as my body collided with the dresser. He was quickly at my side but not to help me up. A swift kick to my stomach sent a breath taking pain though me that words couldn't describe.

"Ton-"

Blow after blow he screamed at me. _Slut, whore, hussy, tramp._ I tried to curl up into a ball. My baby girl the only thing on my mind. I don't know when I passed out but waking up in the emergency room and hearing the news made me wish I were dead.

…. .. …. .. ….

I know I'd told Tony we could try for another baby. Hell, a part of me wanted to try too. But thinking back to when we'd lost our little girl, I couldn't imagine going through that again.

Driving around for a few more minutes, not ready to go home yet, I pulled over at a hydrant and fished my cell out of my purse. I let me finger hover over the home button long enough to unlock the screen. I hesitated, my thumb moved back and forth over the green text square and the phone app.

I finally settled for a text and when I was finished, I set the phone in the cup holder and waited for a reply. It wasn't until I put my head back and relaxed into the seat that I realized I didn't even put any music on when I got in. That was very unlike me. I didn't feel like hearing annoying interruptions from radio Dj's so I picked my phone back up and hit the bluetooth. Soon the Goo Goo Dolls' _Iris_ flowed through the speakers.

Forty minutes and one reply later, I pulled up outside of my beautiful house. I really did have it all. Too bad it was nothing like how it looked on the outside. When my suv came to a stop, I was side by side with a black Honda Accord.

I was familiar with it. Over the last two months I'd come to know the inside and outside of the car very well. It had become my getaway. The person inside, my confidant. My truck too high to see into the car, the driver instead got out and crossed in front of my car and into the passengers side.

"Hi."

My head was tilted back on the head rest and the streetlight reflected on the dashboard. The days were already getting longer but that didn't stop the florescent light from shinning at such an early hour. I could only imagine the way I looked when I finally turned my head. It was slow and I'm sure looked like something straight out of a horror movie.

"You okay, Alex?"

I couldn't speak. The ache in the back of my throat was strong and I knew the tears in my eyes must have been glistening by now. I ran my tongue over my teeth, tasting the saltiness of my pint up emotion, and held up the piece of paper the doctor had given me.

"What's this?"

"Read it." I croaked. After a few minutes I could feel eyes on me. I just nodded confirming the unspoken question. "I'm pregnant."

"You're pregnant."

"Olivia…what am I going to do?"

"Drive." I looked at her confused. "We can't sit here…lord knows who's watching." She gestured to the street with a forward nod of her head. "Drive and we'll talk."

I started the car and pulled back on my seatbelt. The song changed and Ed Sheeran sang about being a _Wayfaring Stranger_. I didn't care for it but it was good enough for the moment.

"You came to me beaten and bruised. You were begging for my help and I told you that I would help you through whatever." Olivia was looking forward now. Her voice was low and I used the button on the wheel to turn down the music. "I told you about place you could go to get you away from him and I even set you up at a shelter but you refused."

"Liv."

"No!…Just listen and drive." She looked my way. "Please."

Her raised voice took me by surprised. I wasn't scared. Just shocked. I was so use to using kiddy gloves with me, I wasn't even sure she had it in her to be anything but soft and gentile when it came to me.

"I took an oath to uphold the law. I took this job with the intentions of helping victims get out of horrible relationships and from the moment you walked into that bullpen, I've gone against everything I believe in."

She kept talking and I finally let my tears fall. The sun had now since gone down and with the tears, I was thankful that my wandering mind had somehow directed me to a deserted area. Pulling over, I turned off the car and rested my head against the window.

"I can't tell you what to do but I will say that if you decide to have this kid…"

"Don't!"

"Alexandra…"

"I know! I know that I should leave. I do…" a fresh set of tears ran down my face now. "But I love him. I love him with everything in me and I know that he loves me too." I take the tissue she's extending to me and wipe my nose. "Plus, its not that easy. I can't just up and leave. He will come after me. You know how he is. Hell, you have a few scars and a new apartment to show just how much you know."

"Alex if you let me tell my co-works…my boss, we can get you out of there. I'll even see to it that they pull all the stops for you." She reaches across the console for my hand and gives it a squeeze. "I can't help you alone."

"You can't help me at all!"

"Al…"

"No, Liv. I know you think you're some kind of superhero but you're not. I'm not like those other victims you help. I can't be helped."

"Can't…or don't want to be helped?"

"What's that suppose to mean?" I turned my body now to face her.

"I'm not saying anything you haven't already. You clearly like being beaten to unconsciousness and god only know whatever else he's doing to you in that house that you haven't told me about."

"Shut up! You don't know anything!"

"I know that you are in a very toxic marriage and you're hurting. I know that you want to get out but you're scared. I know that you want this baby and would do anything to protect it which is why I don't understand why you seem to be having such a hard time trying to figure out what to do." She rubbed her hands over her face. "I _know_ that I love you and I can't just sit here and let you continue living like this."

Her hand found its way back over to my side again. Her index and middle finger lifted my chin and suddenly we were face to face.

"I failed you before. I told you I'd get you out and I didn't. But this time Al, I promise, I'm going to get you and this baby out of that house and him out of your life."

"It wont be easy."

"Nothing ever is but…you and this kids safety makes it worth it." Olivia said cupping my cheek. I leaned into the comfort of her touch for a few minutes.

Tears had yet to stop forming but they did slow. I finally found my voice again and spoke. "You said…you love me?" My eyebrow raised in confusion.

"I did."

"How?" That seemed to be my question for everything today.

"How what?" Now it was her turn to look at me confused.

I sat back against the door and began picking at the string on the sleeve of my sweater. For the middle of May, the weather was still a bit chilly and now I was wishing I'd worn a jacket instead. "How do you love me? You don't even…know me." I looked up at her.

Olivia turned herself to face forward again. "I just do. I can't explain it. I'm not _in love_ with you. But I do love and care for you."

I didn't realize that I was looking for a specific answer but I know that when the words _in love_ followed that one word _not_ , my heart plummeted to my stomach. I'd be the first to admit that love was the last thing I was looking for and wouldn't even dare to want it from anyone so why was I feeling like this. Why was I _hurt_?

"Oh." I nodded. "So…like a friend?"

"Yeah…a friend."

I'd be lying if I said in the last six months I didn't somehow develop feelings for the woman sitting next to me. A stolen glance here and a brush of hands there. I knew it was wrong and I knew I was playing with fire but it was almost intoxicating. I was addicted. When whatever we had went from victim and detective to friends, I started to rely on our texts and occasional meet-ups at the diner. I even found myself disappointed a few times when I looked out the window and didn't see her car parked across the street.

"So… _friend_." I frowned at the bitterness that laced my voice. "I guess I should get you back to your car." I twisted my body back right in my seat and pressed the on/off button to start the truck. "You've gotta get started on a plan."

"A plan?"

"Yeah. You promised to get me and this baby out of danger…" She nodded. "Well, you're going to need a plan."

"Yeah, you're absolutely right."

The drive back was quiet and I didn't even bother playing any music. I was chastising myself for feeling the way I did because not only was this woman beside me not as into me as I thought, but I was a married woman and though my marriage was shaky and on the verge of ending, I still took vows and I wasn't going to be the one to break them. I wouldn't give Tony the satisfaction.

Later that night I got the usual _Still at work. Be late. Don't wait up_ text from Tony and I went about grading papers, reheating leftovers and other chores around the house.

Climbing the stairs I came to a stop at the first door. It'd been a while since I'd even opened the door forget stepping inside. I let my fingers run over the white and gold polkadot doorknob that I was so proud to find at a flea market all those years ago.

I took the knob in my hand and turned it but I couldn't push the door open. I wanted to go in. I should've gone in. But I didn't. I wasn't ready. I put my hand over my still very flat abdomen and made my way to my bedroom.

Once I finished my nightly routine I walked over to the window out of habit and peered through the blinds. I wasn't surprised that I didn't see the detective outside. I actually wasn't expecting to but that same part of me that was possibly catching feelings was hoping she'd made a u-turn and came back to sit outside for a while.

"Alexandra, what are you doing?" I asked myself out loud. What _was_ I doing? I had bigger things to think about. I had bigger problems to solve.

My phone vibrated on the bed and I took it as a sign to just turn in for the night. Taking that decorative pillows off the bed and folding down the comforter, I climbed in and took my phone in my hand.

 _Just wanted to make sure you're okay._

She was checking up on me. I wanted to be mad. Part of me even wanted to not answer her but I knew if I didn't it would do me more harm than good in the long run.

 _I'm fine. Good night._

I was short on purpose. I wanted her to know that things between us had changed. I wanted her to get the hint and the fact that I didn't get a reply back that night told me that she did. Still, every time I rolled over that night, I checked my phone hopping that she had ended up texting me back.

* * *

"Hey Nick. Thanks for coming over." Olivia opened the door and moved to the side to let her partner in.

"Yeah well, you said it was an emergency." He walked to the living room and turned back to face Olivia. "Everything okay? Whats going on?"

It'd been more than a month since Olivia had moved into her new apartment but boxes still littered the few rooms and she'd only managed to unpack the essentials. She walked to the kitchen and took the one cup she'd had out of the dish rack. Then with a change of thought, she placed it back down and walked to the fridge.

"Beer?"

"Yeah, sure."

She took two bottles out and popped the tops off. Nick had since walked over to the bar that looked into the kitchen and sat on a stool. She handed him the beer and they both took a long swig.

"Liv…"

"You said you know Anthony Santos growing up…"

"Yeah, but Liv…" Nick put his beer down and rubbed his hand over his head and down his face. "Like I said before, I knew _of_ him more than anything."

"Nick, please…at this point, anything helps." she pleaded.

After a few moments and another long drag of beer, he agreed. "But under one condition."

"Yeah, anything!"

"I want in."

"In?" She asked confused.

"Yeah, in. Whatever this is…whatever you're doing is dangerous." Olivia opened her mouth to protest. "Stop." He said holding up his hand. "I may not be the infamous Elliot Stabler and you may think that I'm young and inexperienced but I'm a damn good detective."

"Nick…"

"Liv, you ask me about Anthony Santos and a few months later you show up with a black eye and god only knows what other injuries and you expect me to believe that the two have nothing to do with each other?"

"I…"

"Liv, these are my people. I grew up in the same area and I speak the same language. I'm your partner and no matter what, I'm gonna always have your back." He stood and walked around the divide joining the woman in the kitchen. "Plus, I'm good with Abuela's, remember?" He finished with a wink and a smile.

Olivia knew he was right. She wouldn't be able to do this alone and although Fin would've been her number one pick, Nick did in fact know more and was her partner. As much as she hated to admit it, she didn't give him the credit he deserved.

"You're right." The brunette said nodding. "I know its kind of late and you have to get back to Zara…"

"Its fine, she's with my mom. I can stay for a while."

"Okay, great."

They stood in the kitchen for a while. Nick telling stories of his younger days and things he'd heard and seen about the man in question. Pizza, beer and even Olivia's m&m stash had all been consumed. They had bounced ideas off of each other of how to get Alex away from her husband and they always came back to the same thing.

"What if she faked her death?"

Olivia looked at the man opposite her now. Both of them reclined on the couch. "Huh?"

Nick sat up fast and snapped the foot rest back into the couch. "Like witness protection almost."

Olivia thought about it. It didn't seem so bad. Alex would be able to, essentially, start over. But it also meant that she'd probably never see the blonde again. Knowing that the whole point of this meeting of the minds was to come up with an idea that would leave Alex safe and her and her baby secure, Olivia still allowed her mind to wander.

 _It's not about you Olivia. You promised to get her away from Tony safely and that is your only job. You do what you have to. Plus, she doesn't even like you like that. You heard her, she loves him. Just stop._ She managed to push her internal struggle aside long enough to finish her conversation with her partner and see him out the door for the night.

That night as she laid awake, she couldn't stop thinking about Alex. The dismissive text she'd gotten from the blonde had left her wondering if she'd done something wrong. Finally sleep had found her and dreams of her _friend_ met her in her twilight; an unmistakeable smile on the detectives face.

 **AN:** Good? Bad? Write me a review of what you think. Thank you for reading! Oh and for putting up with my spelling/grammar errors.


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